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I recently came back from a jog. I’m amazed to admit that statement. I believe it could have been many years since my last. But It came to my attention that my tests indicate slightly high cholesterol, and doctors suggested to do sweaty exercise frequently.

For the first time ever in living memory that my motivation to work out has been my bodily well-being. During earlier years, I ran because I aimed to lose weight. I also jogged to cure feelings of anxiety – It was an avoidance tactic from the anxiety, instead of dealing with it. At other times, I exercised because I sought to get better in running. That represented what it meant to me then to develop a better life.

Jogging with altered intent now sparked reflection about the methods I’ve interacted with my physical self over my lifetime and how this is changing as I move from being a young person to middle age. I don’t think I’ve honored my body, not fundamentally. I’ve valued it only for its roles and the purposes it provided: trying to attract others; dodging sentiments; achieving a quicker 5K run. Up to now, I’ve not understood that my body represents me, it is my life, rather than a tool for outcomes.

Much has been written through history about the separation between body and mind – which it’s reassuring to know, I’ll avoid detailing in this piece. What has struck me most fascinating is Sigmund Freud’s view that mental and physical selves are innately connected from the beginning, because bodily growth requires psychological development and vice versa. The infant’s bodily experiences – such as the physical sensation of hunger – propel the brain to build the ability to recognise hunger as a feeling that can be sated by a feed; and the psychological solace and contentment repeatedly brought by repeated nourishment nourishes the young mind similar to the nutrition fuels them corporally. Likewise emotional occurrences – such as the urge to stand up and attain a goal, and the resolve to try again and again – are the cause and means muscles grow stronger. Since infancy, our physical and mental selves are interlinked in shared growth as connected as a spiral.

But It’s become clear, in sessions with my psychoanalyst, that mental and physical aspects might experience an alternate dynamic – a less unified and increasingly manipulative. My psyche might utilize my physique to hold and express things that my mind views unacceptable or unacceptable. In analysis it emerged that exist certain emotions that I am afraid I cannot bear; instead of feeling these mentally, I unconsciously shift them into my body, where they remain as physical symptoms.

I often had this with indigestion – not connected to what I’d eaten, but acted as a form of corporeal reaction of the more acidic feelings I couldn’t digest mentally. This wasn’t an intentional act, but once it was raised to awareness by my analyst, and my anxiety and vulnerability and anger and alarm could be felt and expressed verbally instead of converted to bodily feelings, it resolved. I rarely suffer with digestive issues today.

The toughest period I had this severe heartburn, I failed to rest for multiple consecutive nights. It seemed I was forfeiting my sanity. I visited to the GP, who scheduled multiple scans and tests, but everything was physically wrong. It was another doctor who informed me that the root might be mental. My analyst concurred. I was stunned, but I also knew it was accurate.

If an individual experiences a corporeal problem, they might feel insulted if told that it could have a mental root. They might feel like disrespect, the idea that their illness isn’t real. Certainly such cases occur – people can have their pain discounted or misdiagnosed. However, sometimes it could be that the bodily signs are real – no question – and the origin is psychological, the inner mind using the physique to convey emotional hurt or anger or any feeling the conscious self fails to handle. At times, we might assume our emotions only has value when it is expressed as bodily symptoms. We often undervalue our mental states as individuals, collectively and culturally; why else can we allow the terrible reduction of mental health treatments through health services?

Life lessons have revealed that a superior lifestyle cannot be built when we are stuck unconsciously in patterns of interaction, internally and socially, that stem from disregard, use and transaction. These interactions are often easier to recognize “externally” in the general public. It’s likely more challenging to consider where they come from, and to recognise these shapes inside us and within our closest relationships, in the workings of our psyches.

Yet it’s valuable to continue. When I put my running shoes once more following many years, venturing out not to get a better body, or to escape a sensation, or to improve a 5km time, {it